My Emptying Nest...

Soooo... if your reading this... and you know me... you know that I am bipolar!! Yeah it's not a BIG deal but a deal non-the-less!!! It is apart of who I am and why I am the way that I am... So I go to therapy and I see a psychiatrist... and I need it... trust me... I need it!!! I sometimes feel like I can't tell things to those who I am supposed to be able to tell things too... I'm over 1000 miles away from my best friend... and sure there is the phone, computer, text messages... but there is no replacement from walking the mall and eating pretzels and spending an hour in Bath & Body Works... that is always one of my favorite forms of therapy...

Now I'm here and I don't have that option... sure there is Mom... and again.. the phone, text, Facebook... but NOT the same... I see a total stranger now... with the typical "How are you???" and the "How does that make you feel???" and lets us not forget "What do you think you should do/feel/look at that??" -UGH- A stranger... someone who has met me 2 or 3 times and think that they can get into my head and make me think differently... If I can't convince myself to think differently... what makes someone else think they can?? And maybe there are things that they think I need to change that I am just fine with?? Well, ok... so I have things I am pretty sure need to be changed... and criticism or maybe idea of how to do things or change things would be welcomed.... -sigh-

So I'm supposed to go to therapy like every 2 weeks... and I am pretty sure with all the medical things going on that I should stick to it... but I always find something to get me to call and cancel the appointment and then not reschedule... she is nice... don't get me wrong... but she seems a bit naive and definitely younger than myself... and should I judge her based on that?? Or based on the mentioned questions above that seem to always be asked.. I don't need to be... well interrogated... or at least that is how I feel.. especially from someone I don't know... I just want someone to listen and not say "Well how could you have handled that differently??" I need the best therapist that I have ever had... but again... over 1000 miles keeps us apart!!!

So what can I do to keep therapy to myself??? To help myself??... Well I guess this is one of the best ways... throw caution to the wind and just write... don't care who reads it... or how they feel when they read it... or how they react to me when they read it... this is therapy for me!! Of course I'm pretty sure that no one reads it anyway... and those that do... don't care!! Talking to Mom from time to time is helpful... but sometimes the things that I need to say aren't things that I want to talk to my Mom about... and of course there is texts and phone calls... but that isn't the same!!!

I guess I just need to stay the course and let it flow the way that it does!!! Just keep my mind straight... my life straight... don't stay from the norm... and maybe things will stay the same or even improve!!